Chapter 9
After the long weekend, I went back to work with Mackenzie.[]
She’d been worried that recovering my memories would make me want to go back to River, but I didn’t. I kept showing up every day, grinding away at my job.[]
After observing me for a few months, she finally relaxed and went back to exploiting me with a clear conscience.]
Finally, one night after working until 2 AM, I gave her a withering look.[]
“Seriously, we’ve been friends forever and you’re literally treating me like livestock.“[]
She patted my shoulder. “You chose to be a corporate slave. Did you expect me to treat you like a human being?“]]
I felt like a vengeful ghost wandering the eighteenth circle of hell, drifting through the office in a state of existential despair.
But work wasn’t even my biggest problem. My biggest problem was River showing up to ambush me every few days.[]
Sometimes he brought the kids. When I saw Max again, I was amazed.
I walked closer to him. “God, look how big you’ve gotten.“]
Max turned his face away in annoyance, but I didn’t let it bother me. I looked at him and said quietly, “I used to hold you when you were tiny, just a little thing. You cried all day and night. Sometimes I’d think, ‘Why are you such a handful? I must have owed you something in a past life.‘ But I loved you so much I could never put you down…“]
Max finally looked at me, and I touched his head gently.
“You’re in school now, huh? You’re becoming such a big boy. Seeing you grow up healthy–that gives me peace.”
He stared at me, then angrily shoved my hand away. “Don’t think this means Dad and I are going to forgive you, Willa.”
He ran back to the car to hide. I stood there stunned.]]
Little Zoe tugged on my sleeve. “Mommy.“[]
I pinched Zoe’s cheek gently. “Zoe, Mommy loves you too.”
י
Zoe froze, her eyes suddenly filling with tears. “Mommy… Mommy… all the kids at preschool have mommies. Mommy, will you come back?”
I knelt down and hugged her. “Baby, Mommy loves you, and you can visit me anytime. But Mommy has chosen her own path now. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I can’t come back.“]
River stood there silently, his head wrapped in bandages, his face still black and blue from where I’d beaten him.
I looked at him expressionlessly. The fact that he could still smile meant I obviously hadn’t hurt him badly enough.]
He reached out to take my hand, but I pulled away.[]
His fingers hung in midair as he looked at me and smiled, his voice hoarse: “Willa, let’s forget about all that stuff. We can both forget the past and start over, okay?“}]
I absolutely lost it. “TUCK OFF! River, how dare you betray me? When you were at your lowest point, it was ME. I carried
everything for you. When you stood on that rooftop asking if your death would solve everything, I should never have stopped you. Why didn’t you just jump? I regret it so fucking much!“[]
He went rigid, then whispered, “Willa, don’t say that. You lost your memory, so you don’t know what happened after. I didn’t mean for things to turn out like this. I never wanted it to get this bad…”
“Oh really? What happened after? Did I cheat? Did you find out the kids weren’t yours?“]]
“No, Willa…”
“So you just became a piece of shit all on your own?“]
I must have hit a nerve because his voice got sharper:
the gas on. It was your fault, Willa. What gives you the right to act so righteous when it was your fault…“]
billa, how do you know what I went through? You’re the one who left
I laughed. “My fault? Fine, it was my fault. But you’re still the one who forced me to divorce you. You’re the one who decided we were done. So why the hell do you keep contacting me?“[]
Why do you get to forget everything, Willa? What gives you that right?“]
His face darkened, but I just smiled wider. “Because I’m lucky. Because I can.“]
Fuck you, River. You think you can still push me around?]
