7
The situation escalated, attracting more and more discussion. Julian’s friends called, trying to get
information, but Julian ignored them.
He didn’t even answer his phone, spending his days staring blankly at the black box, lost in thought. He seemed to have regressed, once again indifferent to everything, even himself. It was then that he felt familiar to me, not the stranger portrayed online.
These past few days, Julian had been virtually isolated from the world. I don’t know if someone said
4:35 pm DDDD
<
something to him, but he started fasting, only drinking water when hungry. Every time he put down the glass, he would stare blankly for a long time, as if thinking of someone.
I didn’t have the patience to watch anymore, so I slipped out of the house and looked around. The sunflowers were surprisingly resilient; even without care, they bloomed proudly. I couldn’t help but sigh wistfully: *If I were still alive, I wouldn’t be short on sunflower seeds.*
Technology was advancing by leaps and bounds, society developing at a rapid pace. In just one year, many skyscrapers had risen, and countless people had fallen.
Many people died every day; my death was just a drop in the ocean, a grain of sand in the desert. But Julian was too envied, and perhaps too attention–grabbing. News about him continued to trend, but he himself had given up, no longer caring.
After circling around outside, Julian looked much thinner.
I watched him endlessly replay the home surveillance videos, watching every moment I appeared in them. Every one of my signs was translated, and the word ‘I love you‘ appeared most frequently in his notebook. Julian never believed I loved him? No problem, I would prove it with my actions.
Julian wanted to hear me say ‘I love you‘? Fine, my first words every morning were ‘I love you! It was just that I couldn’t speak, and he didn’t know sign language. By the time my silent messages were finally understood, I no longer needed them.
I watched Julian, clumsily, start over, responding to my words one by painful word. When I cried, he seemed to want to reach out and hold me, but his hand only met the screen.
Julian was finally losing his mind. I realized it when I saw him laughing and crying at the same time. He only regretted that I hadn’t loved him enough, never realizing that *he* hadn’t loved *me* enough.
If we could have seen each other’s affection meters, Julian’s would have been steadily dropping every day. All the truth came to light in that moment, but those involved were blind, while outsiders
saw clearly.
Perhaps his current state finally satisfied my lingering resentment. The tightness in my chest finally dissipated. I felt a sudden lightness, like a tangled knot in my mind had finally come undone.
All the reports of Julian’s devotion had now vanished. The netizens‘ speculations, Julian’s silence… the truth was only covered by a thin veil, but no one had dared to pierce it. Those words of praise now seemed so ironic; even Julian’s proof of devotion transformed into guilt.
4:35 pm
<
I suddenly remembered my past self, equally helpless to defend myself, watching as I was
slandered.
Perhaps he wasn’t guilty, after all; he had merely forgotten about me, never truly noticing me from the start. Julian had emotional detachment, but he wouldn’t joke with a life. But no one would listen to
his explanations, and no one could forgive him for me.
8
