Algemon to the Rescue
Algernon to the Rescue
Presley was seated by herself on the patio outside the room she was sharing with Cruz when a voice hissing her name called her. She looked over the rail and noted Algernon standing there.
“What the actual hell?” She questioned quietly. Why now of all time did Cruz say he needed the bathroom? She was not close enough for them to be using toilets in each other presences and so she’d vacated to the patio, despite him telling her he wasn’t shy and she could stay. She shuddered with the notion and then looked back at Algernon. Which was worse? Algernon or Cruz seated on a toilet with the door off the room. Right now both men felt repulsive.
“Presley. Your name is Presley right?”
She did not want this man to know her name but yet something in his facial expression told her something
was wrong. “Yes. Why?”
“Okay, I was jut having drinks in the bar,” he waved his hand as he got closer to her patio, tripping over some flora as he continued talking, “well, actually I was avoiding my-wife. She’s gone off the deep end. One minute she’s screaming she wants a divorce and the next she wants another baby. Our kids are teenagers. Why the f**k would I do that? I’d rather get divorced and live my life because it sure as hell has been drained away by them over the last seventeen years. Did you know I put all my energy into those boys and while I was running them all over the country for their damn lives, she was sleeping with her mother’s fitness instructor? I told her I was coming on vacation without her and finding myself and going to f**k my way through an army of women. She is the one who cheated and yet because I’m the one who left, I’m the bad guy. I am a good lover. She never ever went to sleep unsatisfied and yet, she f****d a skinny man with a tiny ps because he gave her his undivided attention. We have two boys and I run a airline. I do not have time to spend with her all the
time.”
She almost felt sorry for him as he climbed towards her on the edge of the patio blocks but him being this close to the place she sleeps was unnerving. “I’m sorry to hear this, Algernon. Why are you trying to climb into my patio? Cruz is right inside.”
“Oh, good, then you are safe. I wanted to tell you, I was at the bar, I had drinks and I needed to leave but, there was a couple sitting at a table and the girl, she is blonde and not very attractive. One eye was half shut like it
My was,” he was rapidly blinking at Presley, “infected or something. Conjunctivitis. He said with a shud boys are swimmers. The number of conjunctivitis and foot fungus infections they would bring home from the pool is impossible to count.”
“Is there a point?” she looked nervously over her shoulder, Cruz more than once made it clear he wasn’t a fan of this man. The last thing she needed was for Cruz to come from the toilet to throw him off the patio
violently.
“Yes, the blonde woman with the weird eyes was talking about how you stole her fiancée, and then the man who was sitting with her was calling you some very bad names. He said you stole his daddy.”
“Odin,” she gritted teeth. “Algernon, he’s my brother. He’s been mad at me since birth because stole his father when I was born. He never wanted a sibling.”
e he th
thinks I
“Oh,” he frowned, “well it makes it even more alarming then, what he said. I can’t imagine saying such things about my sister, and my sister is an ugly woman with a bad temper.” He frowned and pointed at his forehead,
Algernon to the Rescue
“she gave me this scar with a jar of strawberry preserves when we were kids.”
“Algernon, focus. What did he say?”
“He said he would help the girl get Cruz back and away from you and then you would go home. He said if you were crying and miserable you would need to go home to your daddy, which I thought meant like a sugar daddy, and then he could get what he wanted”
“I’m going to rip his tongue out of his head.” She growled angrily. “Why is he such a jerk?”
“What the f**k is going on out here?” Cruz came out and stomped towards where Algernon held onto the patio rail. It was easily a few feet off the ground.
“He heard Odin and Ramona plotting to break us up and send me home to Dad in tears. He knew they were talking about us so when he was walking back to his room, he saw me here and decided to come tell me.” Cruz closed his eyes and let an expletive filled string of thoughts on Odin and Ramona spill from his lips. Algernon made wide eyes at Presley who shrugged at the anger.
Cruz walked over and pulled Algernon over the rail, sit, tell us what else you heard.”
“Well, the man,” he frowned, “he is really your brother?”
“Odin,” Presley sighed, “is my brother. Same father. Different mother. His mom is a sweetheart. Nobody knows why he turned out like this.”
“My guess is unresolved s****l identity.” Algernon said simply “The man was trying to flirt with the woman server and she wasn’t having it but my first guess was why on earth he wanted a woman. He is clearly a gay
man”
“Wait!” Presley gasped, a bubble of laughter escaping her lips, “you thought he was gay?”
“Yes. He needs to be true to himself. My youngest boy is gay. There is no shame in being gay.”
“His mother is gay,” Cruz said to nobody in particular, “It’s why Odin’s parent’s marriage failed and his father married Presley’s mother and they had Presley.”
“Well, the nut did not fall too far from the tree. My instinct tells me the boy is fighting his identity.”
“Can we circle back to this,” Presley griped, “what did they say they were going to do to break u
Algernon nodded, “they were talking about asking you both out to drinks and then slipping something in his drink,” he waved at Cruz, “but before it hit, this Odin would ask you to step outside and call your daddy, which makes more sense now.”
Presley explained to Cruz, “he thought when Odin said I stole his daddy, he meant sugar daddy. Oh!” she pointed at Algernon, “you thought I stole his lover! His daddy.”
I “Yes!” Algernon nodded excitedly. “It is far less sordid it is your real father. I thought you stole his gay lover. Anyhow, while you were talking to your father outside, the blonde was going to get Cruz in a compromising position with the drugs in his system and you would get very upset and leave him. You would be so devastated and sad, you would book a flight back to Canada to cry in your daddy’s arms
“Dad is seriously going to ring Odin’s thin, skinny neck.” She looked at Cruz. “He’s literally plotting to drug you.
Cruz
“Forget your father ringing his neck, I might take him into the sea and drown him.”
Algemon to the Rescue
As Algernon seemed alarmed, Presley shrugged, “they were best friends for thirty years. Wouldn’t you want to do such a thing if your best friend was plotting like this?”
Algernon looked at Cruz nodding with a glint in his eye and pursed lips, “going for your best friend’s little sister. I did that. I hope it works out better for you than me. My wife is a terror”
“Speaking of, isn’t that her?” Cruz nodded down the pathway where a woman was stomping in their direction. Algernon immediately dropped to the patio tiles and lay flat on the floor hiding behind the short wall. Cruz waved at the woman, “good evening!”
“Have you seen a fat bald man wearing a white shirt and a big gold chain?” the woman called out.
“Small d**k?” Cruz asked, “likes to wear tiny swim suits to make it look bigger than it is?” He shot a smirk downward and Algernon to his credit grinned back at him.
“His p***s is normal, a bit bigger than normal and he is very good with it.” The woman called back from the pathway and threw her arms up in the air. “He is going to leave me for another woman and I must stop him. I can’t let someone else have what is mine! Did you see him?”
“Yes.”
Algernon looked pleadingly at Cruz.
Cruz pointed in the direction the woman came from, “I saw him walking in the direction you were coming from. Maybe he was on his way to meet you down there.”
“Thank you!” she clapped her hands and started walking in the direction she came from.
When she was gone, Algernon gave a sigh of relief. Slowly he got to his knees, “I am grateful for you, my friend. I hope you do not get drugged and break up with your fiancée. Also, I might only have one p***s but it is perfectly sized. Two are not needed”
With a grace a man of his physique should not possess, he leapt over the side of the rail and began racing in the direction opposite of his wife.
“He might not be such a horrible man.” Cruz said with a confused expression.
“He told me he came to Nice to have revenge s*x with other women because his wife cheated on him because he’s been too busy doing things with their boys.”
“Okay, now I do feel bad for him.”
“Do you think he might be right about Odin?” she asked Cruz seriously. “Could he be gay?”
“I don’t know. Our rugby team in high school had a couple real homophobes on it. I hate to say it, but what if the guys knew Odin was gay, caught him looking too long or something and beat the s**t out of him. It might not have been about mouthing off. If he didn’t want us to know about his sexuality, he wouldn’t tell us why they beat him up and he threw your mom under the bus.”
“How do we find out?”
“It’s not our business, Ladybird,” Cruz shrugged. “What is our business, is this s**t about him plotting with Ramona. I want to put them both in their places. We’re going to fix them both.”
“I think I need to call my parents and tell them what is going on.” She said quietly. “Dad is going to be pissed
off.”
Algernon to the Rescue
“I get it. You call them. I need to call Anderson and find out what he learned.”
“Okay.” She got off the chair and pressed a kiss to Cruz’s cheek. “I don’t want us to break up.”
He smiled, his eyes lighting up at her words, “those two fools can’t break us up. They’re off their rockers. One
is certifiably nuts and the other is a functioning alcoholic. We have a whole support system behind us. They
don’t stand a chance, Ladybird,”
“Good.”
“Make your calls. We will regroup.”
She hugged him tight before moving to the other room and then smiling brightly at the sight inside.
Hanging in it’s perfect place, the bathroom door.
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