Chapter 11
“First thing he said was congrats. Second thing was wondering how awful it must’ve been for the girl who got abandoned.”
“Mom barely told you about my childhood, but my stepdad used to… touch me. I begged Mom to call the police, but she said I was asking for it. Every time she lost money at poker, she’d put out cigarettes on my skin.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “Blake was like the only good thing that ever happened to me. So after you guys split, I basically threw myself at him.”
I was so desperate I literally begged him to use me to get over you.”
she tried to smile. “Five years later, I thought I’d made it. But he never actually loved me. Probably figured if he couldn’t have you, anyone else would work.”
Stella, I’m telling you this because I don’t want you dying with regrets.”
couldn’t speak. After hearing all that, I had no idea what to say.
ecause that was supposed to be my fucked-up life. All that trauma was meant for me.
d never hated Mrs. Reed or Sophia.
just felt like shit-like I was taking away another piece of happiness from Sophia’s already horrible life.
fter Sophia left, fireworks started going off outside the window.
elebrating New Year’s Day.
forced myself to get up and walk to the window.
lake appeared behind me without making a sound.
t’s snowing, Stella.”
verything outside was white, and the snow was coming down harder.
urned around and saw Blake holding a cake-strawberry cake.
reminded me of sophomore year on New Year’s Day. Blake had showed up out of nowhere just like this, also carrying a strawberry cake. The bakery was osed for the holiday, so he’d learned how to make it himself from YouTube tutorials.
picked up the spoon and tried a bit of the frosting.
e smooth cream melted on my tongue. So sweet.
sat on the edge of the bed. “Blake, how much was the cake? I’ll have my boyfriend Venmo you.”
lake stared at me for the longest time before saying. “Stella. I’m a cop.”
> he could tell when I was lying.
gave him a bitter smile, then heard him add, “Stella, I’m a cop. I can’t just ignore someone who’s dying.”
hat night, Blake stayed up with me watching cooking shows.
fter that night, I started getting weaker and weaker, staying awake less and less.
even started doing this thing where I’d move my hands in the air like I was playing with something invisible. Every time it happened, Riley would grab my ands while tears dripped onto my skin.
Stella, just hang on a little longer. Stay with me, okay?”
ild people say when you start playing with invisible things, death is dose-like you’re already back in your mom’s belly playing with the umbilical cord
Danny was coming by more and more.
Blake mostly just sat there quietly-played cards with me when I was awake, tried to keep my spirits up.
Eventually I got too weak to even hold cards, so Blake would just read to me.
January 7th.
As I was falling asleep, I could hear Blake and Riley going at it about something, but my brain was too fried.
I wanted to get up and tell them to chill, but I couldn’t even process what they were fighting about.
January 9th.
Maybe it was that last surge of energy people get before they die, but I felt slightly better.
I actually managed to eat a whole bowl of tomato soup.
Blake didn’t show up till noon, and when he did, he pulled a wedding invitation out of his jacket.
He said it all casual, like it was nothing.
Stella, you should come to my wedding. I’ll get you your own table-the ex-girlfriend VIP section.”
