Chapter 12
I just stared at him for a second, then wiped my nose.
“Congrats, Blake. I’ll pass on the wedding though.”
“But you could totally save me some cake.”
Blake turned away for a beat to pull himself together. “Stella, I hope you…”
His voice cracked. “…feel better.”
As he walked away, I watched his back until the door closed. Then I buried my head in my pillow, soaking it with tears.
I kept thinking about that kid who’d get all red and nervous holding my hand at the top of the Ferris wheel.
Who’d keep a baked sweet potato warm in his hoodie for me, then freak out when someone bumped him and the orange mush leaked all over his chest, bitching about it while trying to wipe it off.
I couldn’t bring myself to look out the window and watch him leave.
And I definitely couldn’t open that wedding invitation.
Five years ago, I did the same thing-watched him standing in the rain while I bit my wrist to keep from running to him.
Five years later, I couldn’t even watch him walk away.
was terrified I’d crack and chase after him, desperately clinging to whatever warmth he had left.
Danny walked in with a box of loaded mac and cheese from my favorite place.
Still hiding under covers crying like when we were kids, huh?”
Danny set the mac and cheese in my hands and opened the curtains, watching Blake disappear down the street. He made this disgusted noise.
Always told you Blake was a total fuckboy. Gets with someone like five minutes after dumping you, then decides to have his wedding while you’re literally ying. What kind of psycho does that? You completely wasted three years on that dick.”
If I knew he’d pull this shit, I would’ve beaten his ass at basketball a thousand times before letting you date him.”
he loaded mac and cheese was creamy at first bite, then rich and comforting, but by the third bite it tasted bitter.
managed two bites before I couldn’t eat anymore.
Danny, Blake and I broke up ages ago. He shouldn’t have to change his whole life for me.”
t took everything I had to keep talking.
That’s not what I want.”
Danny noticed I’d barely touched the food. “What’s wrong? Doesn’t taste good?”
I collapsed back on the bed. Even with more morphine, I was still sweating from the pain.
I forced myself to pick up the spoon and take another bite.
But before I could even get it to my mouth, my hand just dropped.
Danny’s lips were trembling as tears fell on my hands. He leaned close and whispered:
“Stella, is there anything you still want to do? Or anything you want to say to Blake?”
I used every bit of energy I had left to croak out:
“I want… that spicy chicken place by campus… the hottest they have…”
Chapter 12
Riley was sobbing in the hallway. “Ill get it. I know exactly which place you mean.”
Her voice was totally wrecked. “Just wait for me, okay?”
After Riley left, I whispered to Danny: “There’s something… you absolutely have to do for me.”
Once she was gone, everything started getting foggy. Like my soul was floating away-1 could still hear but couldn’t talk anymore.
I didn’t have much left to worry about, just Danny sitting there looking destroyed, carrying whatever secret I’d told him.
Time became meaningless until I caught the smell of spicy chicken, the heat burning my nostrils.
Riley was shaking like crazy next to me. “Stella, the spicy chicken… made them put extra hot sauce like you always get…”
Her hands were shaking so bad that the whole container of spicy chicken dumped all over my bed. She started frantically picking up the burning hot pieces one
by one.
“Fuck. I’m sorry Stella… I’m such a fucking mess. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”
She kept apologizing and I wanted to reach up and wipe her tears, but my arms wouldn’t move anymore…
I looked toward the window and swore I saw someone running toward me.
Everything got blurry and suddenly I was back in high school-watching this gorgeous guy in his letterman jacket at the flag ceremony, looking all serious and perfect, and my heart just went crazy.
Then I was in that sunflower field, watching him sprint toward me in his white polo, face all flushed, holding some daisy he’d picked. He put it in my hair.
He said: “When you’re here, everything’s perfect.”
[ let my eyes drift shut as a tear slipped down my face.
Those days were gone forever.
