Chapter 15
Blake had no idea how he made it home.
de sat in his living room all night, scrolling through her posts without sleeping.
ebruary 20, 2020,
Heard Blake came to the airport looking for me and got in a car accident. His injuries cost him his dreams.]
couldn’t help myself-1 came back. Stood outside his hospital room for forever.]
His friends were all telling him: “Rich girls like Stella just mess with guys like you for fun. She won’t even visit when you’re this fucked up-can’t you see what
he really is?”]
He said: “Yeah, I see it now.”]
He said: “Never again.”]
felt relieved hearing that. Blake, you’re better off without me. You deserve to live the amazing life you’re meant to have.]
our life’s been hard enough. I can’t let the rest of it be miserable too.]
ecember 31, 2021.
he pain is so bad I can’t even get out of bed to eat.]
m I dying? I’m holding my phone wanting so badly to call Blake and tell him I miss him.]
ut what right do I have? I can’t mess up his life.]
can’t drag him into this hell with me.]
ugust 16, 2023.
Did another round of chemo today. Doctor says it’s barely working.]
know I probably don’t have much time left.]
But if miracles exist, I want to live so badly. Want to stand next to Blake healthy and whole.]
Even if he’s completely forgotten about me.]
pril 5, 2024.
Doctor told me to give up on treatment.]
Came back to Riverside.]
They say you’re supposed to go home to die, but where the fuck is home for me?]
November 30, 2024.
[Never thought seeing Blake again would be so fucking embarrassing.]
[I wanted to explain-tell him my boss was being a creep and his wife totally misunderstood.]
[But when he said to stick to the case, I just shut up.]
[Whatever. None of it matters anyway.]
[He’s getting married. To Sophia.]
[I keep asking myself why the universe hates me so much. Why did it have to be her?]
[I’m so fucking sorry about everything. Really am.]
[Sorry that it’s not me marrying him. Sorry we can’t go get that insanely spicy chicken from campus together. Sorry he never got to bike me to work like he always said he would-such a tiny dream that never happened.]
(I don’t want to leave.]
[But I know I’m out of time.]
January 9, 2025.
[I’m awake less and less now. Pretty sure I’m at the finish line.]
[Can barely lift my hands to type anymore.]
[But I should leave something behind, you know? Proof that I was here.]
Blake will never see this post anyway.]
So I’m putting everything I want to say right here.]
Blake, if you ever find out I’m gone, don’t be sad about it. People leave-sooner or later, everyone does.]
I’m so contradictory. Part of me wants you to forget me and just live your life.]
But when you actually started over, I was desperate for any bit of warmth from you.]
I’m getting off this life train early.]
But whatever, I don’t think I have any regrets left.]
I used to always say that when I died, I wanted to be a free bird and fly anywhere I wanted.]
Well, guess I’m finally that bird now.]
I’ll stop rambling here. If anyone actually reads this post.]
Then I wish you-]
Good health and a long life.]
Please stay healthy and live forever.]
Alright, time to say goodbye. Bye, Blake.]
