Chapter 9
That lie tasted bitter as hell, and my heart ached saying it.
I just… I just didn’t want him to be sad when I died.
Blake went quiet, his eyes completely empty.
He’d decided to move on years ago, and he really had stopped thinking about Stella. For so long he thought he was over it.
But all those buried feelings came flooding back the second he found out she was dying.
He sat there in silence, his warm hand gripping the cold IV tube.
That’s when Dr. Williams walked in.
Danny Williams was my neighbor and had been crushing on me for years.
Because of that, Danny had always been competing with Blake.
When Blake and I first started dating, Danny couldn’t handle it and challenged Blake to basketball like nineteen times. Got his ass kicked every single time.
lake caught me giving Danny this huge smile.
Danny, our one-year anniversary is coming up. Did you get my present ready?”
Janny looked totally lost for a second, then came over and touched my face. “Uh, yeah totally. Even got takeout from that place you’re obsessed with-should be
ere soon.”
lake’s face just went completely blank. He stood there like a zombie, then quietly backed out of the room.
Vatching him leave, I bit my wrist so hard I probably drew blood. Tears were streaming down my face but I tried not to make any noise.
anny sat on my bed and handed me tissues.
You’re just screwing both of you over doing this.”
was basically sobbing. “But I can’t…”
Can’t be that much of a bitch and put him through losing someone again.”
ive years ago when I left, I’d already decided.
ven if he ended up hating my guts, even if we never saw each other again, I wasn’t gonna let him hurt over me.
o for five years-when I was broke as hell and couldn’t afford treatment, curled up screaming in some gross apartment; when chemo made all my hair fall out nd I was lying there listening to doctors basically give up on me; even when they said I was dying and I literally went shopping for my own funeral-
d grab my phone, start typing Blake’s number, then chicken out every single time.
almost caved so many times. I wanted to tell him all that shit I said when we broke up was a lie.
hat he was perfect and deserved some amazing girl who could actually stick around.
wanted to tell him I was just sick, that I had to go somewhere he couldn’t follow, and this was the end of the road for us.
was so fucking sorry. Sorry I got such a shitty hand, sorry I couldn’t grow old with him.
But then I’d remember his cop dad getting killed when Blake was twelve. His mom drowning herself when he was fourteen.
His grandpa taking rat poison on Blake’s eighteenth birthday because the cancer was too much.
At his grandpa’s funeral.
Blake kept slamming his forehead into the ground until he was bleeding everywhere, but he wouldn’t stop.
He just sat there like a zombie in front of the casket while family and neighbors swarmed him.
Blake, your grandpa killed himself so you could afford college. Don’t let him down.”
After everyone cleared out, he looked at me with these hollow eyes. “Stella, if I’d been stronger, if I could’ve handled shit better… would things be different?”
So what the fuck was I supposed to do five years ago?
My parents had already ditched me. We were just two broke college kids about to graduate.
What money? For what treatment?
Was I supposed to let him destroy his entire life, blow everything he had, chasing some fantasy cure that probably didn’t exist?
1 let out this exhausted sigh and ignored Danny’s question.
After a while, the pain just becomes background noise. I was done feeling sorry for myself.
Suddenly, I started throwing up blood again, dark red splattering across the white sheets like twisted flowers.
Danny hit the call button, his voice hoarse. “Why won’t the bleeding stop…”
But I grabbed his hand, trying to sound casual.
Danny, I’m in hospice for a reason. Let’s not pretend there’s anything left to try.”
I don’t want my last days to be even more miserable than they already are.”
